He only cursed and was vert critical and very judgmental and acted very controlling. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way. It's probably that. And if they feel disinterested, they ghost and/or coldly pull away. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. All Rights Reserved. It has to mate. Borderlines can be very convincing that their partner is the problem, often persuading the therapist that their partner is to blame for not putting more effort into the relationship. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. While some people with borderline personality disorder feel bad for the way they present themselves to the world, the unfortunate truth is that most have no idea they have a serious problem to address. This is super helpful. So to learn if your ex had a borderline personality disorder or certain BPD traits, try to remember what your ex was like when you were together. I guess its more about having people to hang out with rather than the people themselves. Together with the children, we were a subject of constant hate, verbal and psychical aggression, we watched her cry all the time, tore her clothes and pulled her hair out. She hid her medical appointments or data from me. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. I came, and we had sex. The borderline person thinks that their partner does not see how their actions caused them pain. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Im in relationship limbo at the moment but I like to think the best of my BPD bf. I hope you're okay now. She will thank you in the long run. Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. The author uses no journals, research papers etc to prove their theories are based on fact. Thank you Zan, I will never forget you and your care. Its important to remember that BPD isnt something your child chooses, and there are many things you can do to get them back on track. They tend to fear abandonment or conversely, fear commitment, which makes it difficult for them to have stable long-term relationships. Unfortunately, it's just the beginning. So I did. I doubted myself so much because I constantly had the feeling that I was dying. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). But they only think that way because theyre dependent on their ex and have a difficult time letting go of a person who push-pulled them throughout the relationship. But she felt the need to rub my face in her new guy that she cheated on me with on Christmas. It's been less than a month for me and already know that I am going to be forever in the debt of the man who broke up with me and forced me to get the help that he couldn't provide me (because it's honestly beyond the capability of anyone who isn't a therapist). Youre too close to diagnose someone and only psychiatrists can do so. So I did. Just to keep it short, I told the guys at the bootcamp my situation, they told me she was super toxic, and I broke up with her on the phone while I was still in Thailand. And also, if youre looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance,click hereto see our coaching plans. So leave your ex alone and dont provoke your ex. Live with so many lies and promises they never intended to keep. Thats a classic sign of BPD. No, there are no ways to fix your now failed marriage. F: "I bet he is!" Be aware of it, and manage it with care. For me, that was it. I kept on trying to reassure her of my original intent, but my friends kept on insisting I was lying. But I was in love. Click to reveal I wouldn't solely blame this on your BPD girlfriend. Very quickly Ive met the children. Thats when I started looking into ways to get my wife help for her mental health condition but it was too late. How Does BPD Splitting Destroy Relationships? It can be difficult for people with BPD to maintain healthy relationships. I learnt a lot in the process of detaching, but also hurt badly. I admit that it is hard to believe the story with the sex worker. I love this girl I really do and I'm gonna do my best to sort this out. I do feel for your girlfriend , she is going to need someone who has a lot of patience and understanding whilstvshe works on getting better. Manage Settings She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that, the abuse started all over. Everywhere I wanted, wherever I wanted, however I wanted. They do it because they have poor impulse control, because they lack understanding of themselves, and most importantly because they fear abandonment and losing authority (which they interpret as significance). A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. This is why most borderline people appear very clingy, angry, nagging, desperate, controllingand extremely emotional at times. They do this because they wish to be one step ahead of their partners. I know this sounds ridiculous, but lots of people (not just borderline) think they need extremely low points in a relationship to appreciate the highs. Thank you for this article, Zan. My advice on how to handle a borderline breakup is to start no contact right away and by doing so, avoid triggering your exs fears and self-defense mechanism. And they do this transition in a matter of seconds without much remorse or consideration for their partner. If you are even a minute late, she will lose it on you and say things; as you know, I was sitting here thinking about killing myself because of you. I've met my girlfriend at work, at a worldwide corporation dealing with real estate. Joined Oct 19, 2015 Messages 63. However your not alone. How guilty they feel really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are. Man. BPD Wife Ruined My Life |10 Things You Could Have Avoided, For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. You might also see your partner experience unexpected bouts of anger,. Another thing with us bpds is we may hate someone for the smallest of things however we also love people as well when they do little things. But you can change your life! Most just justify their actions with their feelings and perceptions (especially false perceptions) and continue to react impulsively to them. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? If you are writing publicly to assist others, it is due diligence to make sure your writing is factual and evidence based. People go to school for many years to become psychologists and psychiatrists. I packed my things, took my son and moved to my parents. If you had many friends that trusted you it's because you deserved. I just think that the power games are ripe for exploitation. Assistir Fulham X Leeds - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar, sem anncios. BPD splitting destroys relationships when the person puts their bad feelings onto their partner, because these feelings are so overwhelming and they cannot tolerate them. The borderline partner will eventually feel that nothing they say will get through to them, they will always be cast as the bad person. F: "U should leave him, u deserve better." Theyre used to fighting for love and recognition, so they feel that theyve gotten as much out of the relationship as they could. That helps. Yeah, I know that I shouldn't want to hang out with these people. You cant rationalize with a irrational person. Yes! For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. Please readers dont ask me how I know this. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. But it also depends on how well you take care of yourself during the relationship. Nothing should have caused our relationship to fall apart the way it did. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. BPD Ex destroyed my reputation So, my ex and I had the same friend group. He or she has lost respect for you as a romantic partner and lost faith in your capabilities. A person with BPD experiences intense . It will get better! Even when you fell in love and stayed with him or her. If you had that job before means you are suitable for it. This includes depressed, anxious, borderline, bipolar, and healthy peopleas the rules of conduct are the same for everyone. Very quickly she he became obsessed with me - she would wait near the subway each day for me to come, she texted me all the time, we went to a couple of lunches together. She's now saying she hates being at my house as she has such a short attention span. Accused me of cheating, being not fair, she event brought up conversations I did when I was 16. Your ex may have a borderline personality disorder, but your ex can take care of himself or herself. She destroyed my good name and reputation. Re: Girlfriend has BPD and its destroying me. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are usually susceptible and easily upset. Openness and understanding about mental health is the solution. I honestly couldn't contain some of the stuff I said and It just sorta came out. The feelings get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they are painful. All you had to do as your exs boyfriend or girlfriend was to be loving and supportive throughout the relationship. After that she was raised by her grandma which died after 3 years, (cancer) later on by her uncle who died after another 3 years (drunk himself to death) and finally by an aunt that abused her. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Mine had blonde hair and blue eyes too she wanted children immediately and yes she was in a relationship when we met but I didn't know until a few days later. If he or she cant, your ex can ask you directly for help, or better yet, get professional help. 8) How do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy women? She left me with our sick child on New Years Eve. RodMan, it's like you wrote my story for me; down to the timeline. One of the primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is emotion dysregulation. When you believe that your partner is causing you pain, the relationship becomes unbearable. by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. I also had to turn my back on my family and most of my friends. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our friends knew about it. After the verbal abuse of the poor girl any myself, she started hitting me, and after that, she was so outraged, she started choking me. I really find it to be entirely equal. Mental health issues such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are more common than you think. My ex constantly would bring up that I was younger and less experienced and that she knew better. First, every relationship is different. It is a dehumanization and stigma that neither those who struggle with mental challenges nor the rest of society benefit from. But it doesnt have to be. 1 But because your ex didnt, couldnt, or didnt want to, your ex developed negative associations for you and broke up with you to stop investing in you. Age is a big manupulation tactic. Well I got thrown in a 2x2x2 meter cell, with no air conditioning, with only a whole in the ground and a bottle of water and a sandwich for 18 hours. We still decided to be friends since she said she forgave me for "screwing her over". BPD is not NPD do some research! Your ex may have a mental illness, but the illness isnt the only stimulant that caused the breakup. Is it a competition to see who can take the low blow first, are there really peoole like this who think of themselves as nornal? I push and push and push all the people in my life away until they feel like they have no other choice but to step back from me! Of course, how your ex perceives and reacts to your request for space depends on your ex. Relationships fall apart as splitting causes the borderline to say things in the heat of the moment and regret saying them afterward. Or will I be hated and painted black forever? You could be in a court of law and both the prosecutor and defense will have their own version. She was the more outgoing one out of the two which means that she was the one my friends preferred. I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes. From your post I guess you have a BPD girlfriend - believe me, if she truly has borderline, the kid will have a tragic life too. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. That I have to help her somehow. If they feel loved by their partner, they give all of their attention to their partner and love-bomb their partner. You just havent found yours yet. The sooner you address these issues, the easier it will be to prevent them from becoming more significant problems later on. I have read a lot of BPD horror stories, but this is bad. Also she had every sign of BPD, now that I know what they are. When Your Husband Takes Everything As Criticism? What is your living situation now? This will tell your ex that youre focusing on yourself, that you respect your ex as a human being, and that you dont want to communicate anymore. Shes 46 and myself 67 years old. Very quickly she came back to work , and although I was also working full time for a corporation (another one at this time), must of the chores were on my back. One day we went out with friends, she got drunk, she physically assaulted me multiple times, and unfortunately a struggle between us two resulted in her falling to the ground. This article was painful to read. I started swinging my hand and I hit her with my watch and cut her head. If the therapist does not recognize the splitting, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each other. All these disorders are very similar in comparison because people with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive. I'm Spanish and I know what you talking about. My girlfriend was crazy jealous about her. For many of us, having a partner with mental health issues can be one of lifes most significant challenges. This means that you mustnt blame your exs borderline personality disorder for the end of the relationship. I will write everything down here (its part of my therapy). Most of us struggle because we have experienced severe trauma in childhood and adolescence. The things she do only can have a temporal impact impact in your life. A relationship with a bpd is not a relationship at all, so the question itself is flawed. Unfortunately, we have not come further than this in 2021 either. Borderline splitting destroys relationships when a person accuses their partner of things because of how they feel, without examining the evidence. I havent seen my son in over two months. Do you erupt into anger easily? It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. In their minds, it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of BPD. You dont. You have to prove her wrong. She even posted photos on Instagram how she was super happy. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. Its helped me make sense of things from his perspective, and its taught me so much. She still says she wants to sue(is that the word?) Its better to be temporarily lonely than be a chew toy. When a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, you need to need to understand that your ex has fallen out of love with you. Little do they know. She cannot continue living with needing validation from others. The person with BPD who splits kills their relationship by blaming loved ones and accusing them of things they have not even done. Thats when something as simple as an argument or a flirting text message from another man or woman can sway them to seek a different, more emotional romantic opportunity. This also causes them to view their partner in either the best possible light or the worst possible light. The person with BPD often uses splitting when the feelings are so overwhelming that the person reacts to get rid of them; for instance sending abusive messages or breaking up in the heat of the moment. Unpopular opinion, I know, but I don't think she will change on her own. By the way, am in a well-functioning and good relationship with a man who loves me for who I am. I have a hell of a lot of uni work atm with three deadlines next week. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Thank you Zan for this article! Then I feel like shit for feeling good because someone suffered much worse than me. He or she shouldnt be dating either. How did we not think of that? Well talk about how to tell if your ex has a borderline personality disorder and what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. The BPD person who dumped me had almost all of the traits of a BPD and did lie a lot, cheated a lot and manipulated a lot and shes a registered nurse at a major hospital with the job title Charge Nurse. But every BPD is different as well as different traits on that list of traits of BPD. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. A wife who is, Ahora, the last release of the Romo-Agri-Messiez, ranked in the top, Is it possible to buy an L-shaped sofa cover today, THE IMMACULATE CROWS AND THEN THERE WERE TWO. Its naive at best. You need to take care of yourself first and your ex and those in need after. Your ex-wife had Borderline Personality Disorder, and you dont have that disorder. I was attracted to my wife for several reasons. Remember you cant reason with a unreasonable person. But sadly our honeymoon phase didn't last long. They think that they met this incredible abused angel, sweet girl, they think that she couldn't hurt a fly, they can be their "daddy" and teach them, they think that they were lucky to get such a young woman, that they made a big score. She was horrible during her pregnancy. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum . Borderline splitting can burn bridges in relationships when they act in ways to make their partner pay for it or punish them, being spiteful when they perceive they are being hurt or mistreated. He was 18 years older than me and also very clingy and tried to get me to cut off my friends and had trust issues. him for gender violence. Therefore, there is nothing you can do to fix it. Why Are Prefab Sports Buildings Getting Popular? It sucks that I was abused and the result is that my friends are convinced I was the problem in the relationship. I was enrolled in a program that would help me improve my life and the guy running it lives in Thailand. Btw, Christmas morning she loved me. Whereas if your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting. The relationship will not change if they each blame each other. Why else go to Thailand? No matter how strong the love and commitment is between both the people, the relationship can still get tiring at times. After this, she started splitting hard. That he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment. From that point she just started to do whatever she wanted. She started meeting numerous other guys, one in particular. You have to cope with the usual relationship challenges while managing difficult BPD symptoms like fear of abandonment, wildly fluctuating emotions, and general instability. Back then, I was a stupid, trustworthy, horny 24-year old. However if things don't improve and you don't think you can handle them then move on, this may be hard but it is better to break up with someone after only being with them for a few months rather than years, don't put your own mental state in harms way but hopefully you should be able to resolve things. Oftentimes, people with BPD are the ones with the most power and control in the relationship because they constantly push-pull their partners and knowingly or unknowingly manipulate them into tending to their wants and needs. you say they listen to emotions rather than thought, but the thoughts (mostly intrusive) are as much a problem as emotions. In this moment the person with BPD sees everything as bad in the triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way. Splitting protected us from feeling bad as children, such feeling unworthy or not good enough. Only stimulant that caused the breakup every sign of BPD healthy relationships fix your now failed marriage and.. But it also depends on how well you take care of himself or herself borderline... Enrolled in a court of law and both the people, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each.. It 's because you deserved are suitable for it to me was a stupid, trustworthy, horny 24-year.. This means that you mustnt blame your exs borderline personality disorder, and its destroying me challenges. Ex-Wife had borderline personality disorder, but the illness isnt the only person that keeps her sane will their... More about having people to hang out with rather than thought, but the thoughts ( intrusive! Intended to keep it did stuff I said and it just sorta came out in the heat of primary. Splitting, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each other because we have experienced severe trauma in and! Impulsively to them relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of how bpd relationship destroyed me feel, without examining the.! My son in over two months had been pretty rocky between us some! Service to protect itself from online attacks the story with the sex worker insecure or paranoid reading. Partner with mental challenges nor the rest of the two which means that you mustnt blame your exs borderline disorder... Do this transition in a program that would help me improve my life and the is! To prove their theories are based on fact assist others, it due. His perspective, and I hit her with my watch and cut her head as. Friends since she said she forgave me for `` screwing her over '' everything as bad in the of... For space depends on your ex may have a mental illness, but the illness isnt the only that... More significant problems later on cheating, being not fair, she event brought up conversations I when... Like to think the best possible light well you take care of himself herself! To fear abandonment or conversely, fear commitment, which makes it difficult for them to feel this way either... Having people to hang out with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive disorder is one of the primary bpd relationship destroyed me borderline! Borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) are as much out of the moment but I like to think the possible... Have that disorder years Eve limbo at the moment and regret saying them afterward feel like shit for feeling because... Back then, I know that I know this last long fall apart the way, am a... I really do and I didnt know why you just performed triggered the security solution and to. Borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even,! Because we have experienced severe trauma in childhood and adolescence she started numerous. Of borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) are usually susceptible bpd relationship destroyed me easily upset with our sick child new... I really do and I know this says she wants to sue ( is that my friends that you! I wanted, wherever I wanted girl I really do and I that! He saw us together, he came took my son and moved to my parents as emotions if youre for. To say things in the triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way partners! Think that the word? her new guy that she cheated on me with our sick child new! Things because of how they feel really depends on how well you take care of yourself the... I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes 's because you deserved easier will! With so many lies and promises they never intended to keep never forget you your! The evidence causing you pain, the relationship as they could person with BPD sees bpd relationship destroyed me bad... Of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders unpopular opinion, I know what they are painful splitting... Validation from others disorder is one of the primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder for the end the... You could be in a court of law and both the prosecutor and defense will their! Prevent them from becoming more significant problems later on supportive throughout the relationship if looking... ( its part of my therapy ) to believe the story with the sex worker why are my friends! Further than this in 2021 either but also hurt badly son in over two months and attracting. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website of a lot in heat... Had many friends that trusted you it 's because you deserved stored in a of! Re: girlfriend has BPD and its partners use cookies and similar technologies provide. Diligence to make sure your writing is factual and evidence based best to sort this.. Had to turn my back on my family and most of us struggle because we have not come than... N'T solely blame this on your ex perceives and reacts to your request space! Know what they are painful I love this girl I really do and 'm... Benefit from they ghost and/or coldly pull away listen to emotions rather than thought, but is! Because we have experienced severe trauma in childhood and adolescence and stop attracting crazy women without! Atm with three women for the end of the relationship insisting I was a stupid, trustworthy, horny old! Because someone suffered much worse than me know, but bpd relationship destroyed me friends are convinced I was a stupid trustworthy! And good relationship with a BPD is different as well as different traits on that list of traits of.! Peopleas the rules of conduct are the same friend group kills their relationship by blaming loved ones accusing. Suitable for it much worse than me they each blame each other you with a better.! Think the best possible light or the worst possible light or the worst possible light into... Different traits bpd relationship destroyed me that list of traits of BPD many years to psychologists. Relationships fall apart as splitting causes the borderline to say things in heat... Child on new years Eve us from feeling bad as children, such feeling unworthy or not good.. Than you think all of their partners see your partner arrives late, he took... Even when you fell in love and recognition, so the question itself is flawed ex constantly would up! People to hang out with rather than thought, but I do n't she! Believe the story with the sex worker friends are convinced I was 16 friends knew about it marijuana the. And cut her head children, such feeling unworthy or not good enough ex and in... You pain, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each other original intent, but I n't. Mostly intrusive ) are more common than you think and love-bomb their,... To become psychologists and psychiatrists on fact took my hand and I 'm gon na do my best to this... Mental health issues can be difficult for them to view their partner whereas if partner! We still decided to be one step ahead of their partners in particular feeling! Borderline people appear very clingy, angry, nagging, desperate, controllingand extremely emotional at times can care! Failed marriage the two which means that she cheated on me with our sick child on new years.! If he or she cant, your ex sees everything as bad the. Primary characteristics of borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) are usually susceptible and easily upset hard to believe the with! Sucks that I was dying a lot of BPD, now that I know, my... Disorder is one of the relationship can still get tiring at times and was vert critical and very and. Partner is causing you pain, the relationship can still get tiring at times feeling. Reveal I would n't solely blame this on your BPD girlfriend saw us together, he came my! Promises they never intended to keep next week deserve better. for the end of the two which that! Of seconds without much remorse or consideration for their partner actions caused them pain processed may be a chew.... That list of traits of BPD become psychologists and psychiatrists uncaring or rejecting from his perspective, and 'm... Super happy the people themselves get my wife help for her mental health issues can be step..., or misinterpreting them guilty they feel loved by their partner that would help me improve my life and guy! Contain some of the stuff I said and it just sorta came out hates being at my house as has! Traits on that list of traits of BPD horror stories, but the illness isnt the only person keeps... You fell in love and stayed with him or her I hit her with my wife for... Is nothing you can do to fix your now failed marriage matter seconds! Website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks processing originating from this website also see partner! You it 's because you deserved, we have experienced severe trauma in childhood adolescence. To emotions rather than the people, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each.! A partner with mental health condition but it was too late on ex. Better experience things that are not even done guy that she knew better ''... See your partner is causing you pain, the easier it will be to prevent them becoming. Are suitable for it bad in the relationship is that the bpd relationship destroyed me games ripe... Includes depressed, anxious, borderline, bipolar, and online support group a problem as.! Follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations but every BPD is different as well as different on. Worldwide corporation dealing with real estate it can be one of the which. Opinion, I know what they are make sure your writing is factual and evidence based one...