I have just put my 8 mth old to bed and was going to come into my room and cry I went back to work 3 wks ago and he has been ill on and off this week. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. I looked after him for 7 months like a single mum as we lived alone. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. He wont come to me when I hold out my arms, wont play with me on the mat (where we were having a ball only a few hours earlier) and pushes me away when I hold him or cuddle him. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. She preferred me up until recently. Speak with Your Boss. But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. I am an older mom (41 years old). If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. If I am not around she is fine with her mom to an extent but still keeps pestering her mom wanting dad to come home and do things. The earlier you start looking, the better. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. They simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage. Nursing strikes can be frightening and upsetting to both you and your baby, but they are almost always temporary. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. It breaks my heart and I consider just leaving her. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. This cookbook contains about 200 recipes and photos of how to make delicious meals easily and quickly. Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. Mom of two and creator of Mindful Return, an e-course and blog for moms heading back to work after baby, this woman knows her subject. But it is so important! it does feel like rejection though i try not to take it personally. Please help! well-behaved) in any way, youll just get very frustrated. She has now outgrown the reflux but has become a very fussy feeder.Her early months were very black for me, both myself and my husband would get very upset and frustrated when trying to feed her- me moreso I guess as I did it more. She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. Been that way for the past year now. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and then cry, laugh, journal or call a friend. Try to reach out to your mom and ask for her help. I take care of my son and love him and do the very best I can. It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. 11. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. I dont know what to do. And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. Skin contact is great for bonding. Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. This has been completely devastating to me. My point is this this WILL pass. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. When he comes home, her face glows in a way that its never glowed for me. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. And be there when they come back. Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. Frankly, Im glad Im not the only one in the world who is going through this. I feel the pain of the mom who wrote that she feels a lack of bond with her child and that she sometimes wants to just pick up and leave. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. Please take care. And when he wakes up at night he always looks for his dad and when I want to hold him he pushes my hands away. And when I get her home she ignores me. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. Disguise the bottle. He always trying to get daddys attention instead. Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. I wrote on this post several months ago, when my son was 9 months old. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. You sound like a fabulous mom. I have a 1yr-old son and he just started this him not wanting me always want the other family member that is around. As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. Really make sure that you put away all your worried, frustrated feelings when interacting with your daughter. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. !<3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, you love them soooooo much without something in return! Ant that is why, when it comes to our children, to try to let go of these hurt feelings and find comfort and trust in our love to them is a much more effective way to actually move forward. I just want it with me too. It really hurts me. I cant seem to find this answer. when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. My worry is that this will impact on our long term relationship and I can just imagine the teenage years! There isnt anything I wouldnt do for her. But they arent helping your relationship with your child. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. Do it now. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? After reading all of your stories, I am much more motivated to keep trying to connect with my daughter. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. it has been like this for over a year now & i now just resent them. Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. lying down or the underarm hold). (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. I have been struggling with the same thing for the last two weeks. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. I just left my 4-month-old son for the first time overnight with my parents. Ive been home with her from the beginning. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. It is an intensive period. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. In fact, seems to be a little bit of a common trend in babies around this age. after wrk wen she sees me she clings on her granny . Thanks for taking the time to read, Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. If there is anything I can do to change this me let me know?I love my son so much I dont know what I did to him for him to start this. And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. If she spends the most time with grandma, it is very possible that she feels th most secure with her touch and smell right now. His Aunt told me its just a novelty for him. Why is that so? He does, I know. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. But then I realized that I dont give that to each of my children every day at all. I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. My husbands dad invited us to go to Branson and get away before my Husband starts the engineering program at K-State. First of all, I think you should try to talk to your parents about how you feel and that you need their help. Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. Sep. 5, 2016. Thank you for letting us know that things got better, it has made all the difference to me. Ive never hurt her and when I get frustrated with her I always sit her down and walk away and take a few breaths. I have watched them interact from a distance and she smiles, dances, and plays with him. my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. she is taken care by my husbands mother . Play games together with both her and her if needed. By the time all my training was done may daughter was 14 months old and had been with my mother the entire time. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. Discuss a plan with mom. It is hard. xxx. She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. will my daughter never love me or be close to me. Make sure you spend as much time as possible with your daughter alone, or at least not together with your mother. She wants me over anybody except when they are around. Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. They might have some preference at 1 point or the other, bt just continue loving them and they wd return it back eventually. What happened? I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. Many babies go through periods when only one of the parents will do it can be either the mom or the dad. yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and she used to be very affectionate. Though I have a rule that at night and until I go to work, only i take care of her needs. While the rate for men with children under 18 hovered between 92.2% and 95.3% depending on child age, the rate for women with children under 18 ranged from 63.8% and 77%. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. Try to have a lot of skin contact with her. And then I would try to get busy with something else and just basically not make a bigger deal than it already was for me. Is that true? I hate that she calls my mom mama im nothing to her its breaking my heart please someone help me. So they want to carried around the clock, wont play by themselves, cant be handed over to anyone else but mom or possibly dad without screaming like there was no tomorrow. If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. I really am. At 12 mos the situation was improved. Try feeding in a close and cuddled up position. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. I miss my baby terribly. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. In addition, I really think you should start reading books about adoption if you havent already. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! You are not alone, you have not done anything wrong and you should not be feeling this sad. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. A more upright position makes it easier for the milk to go "down the hatch.". So in the meantime we are trying to get her to talk to her on the phone, but the kid doesnt want to. She was a real daddys girl up to about 3 months ago. Shes always been an independent and active baby, thoughlikes playing on the floor by herself, doesnt always want held. I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. And I suspect it isnt helping your wife either. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. I feel very sad when this happens as I am already sitting in my home for her resigned from my job.She never wants to come to me. Its been like this since he was a newborn. this is just a phase. Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . What can I do? And since you have been at home with him, youre not very exciting. If you can work part-time, do so. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. Within a week I was less upset and things were turning around. (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. Within less than a year, she will be crawling all over the place and you will have to look for her when she is out discovering the world. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. We even had a big fight over this, as he thinks, i need to re-evaluate myself on why this is happening to me. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. My son is fine with me round anyone else. I am in the same position yet I do not work. Thank you so much for your reply. up at night, etc) but when our baby sees his dad he smiles and knows that for the next 20-30 minutes dear daddy is going to throw him up in the air and play. And sure enough, the moment I made an effort to lift my own spirits he naturally was back to being in my arms again. I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. Depending on the babys age and who she has been around the most, one parent or the other will be the preferred one. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. she just looks at me when i call out her name (we sleep together in the bed) and tries to crawl around the bed. I am so confused and sad. Just recently he has started clinging to Daddy again, and I noticed that it was coinciding with feeling quite homesick (I live abroad, far away from my parents and siblings). (, the milestones of a 1 month old baby here, 7-Month-Old Baby Sensitive To Loud Sounds Reasons & Remedies, My 1 Year 3 Month Baby Cant Talk or Walk? i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. Goodness! I often feel that I could leave any day, never to return and my daughter would never notice. Its easy (relatively speaking) to be a mother when you get that intense bonding right back at you. I can almost never get her to smile, and never can get her to laugh and squeal like dad. While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. I wrote on this thread a year ago in despair and check in periodically when Im emailed that a new post has been made. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. Weekends too. the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. Hi, I am really shattered. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! At 9 mos I was in a lot of despair over the obvious lack of bonding between me and my son. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. 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